Falling Leaves
by mrsleonhartx
Summary: Squall, Seifer and Rinoa share their thoughts on each other and their relationships. SeiferSquall, mild SquallRinoa.
1. Squall

**Chapter One – Squall**

To me, she was like cherry blossom. Sweet and colourful, utterly beautiful, leaves falling in autumn and flowers blossoming in spring. Those were all things I could be sure of – I felt safe and warm, knowing that this cycle was unchanging and constant, feeling like I _needed _that kind of security. I knew that if she ever left me, like Sis, she would come back, because nature determined it. She was something I could be sure of.

When she kissed me, it was like spring. I felt a muted rush of euphoria, a sense of wonder like a million flowers had burst out of the ground and showered upon us like confetti. She could save me, she always would. Kissing her was like making sure that this was real, that while I protected her she would protect me, stop me losing hope. Kissing her was like a dream. And dreams always end. And if they were good dreams, you would wake up disappointed, and if they were bad dreams, you would be scared of ever sleeping again. She was like a dream because I never expected more from her. Although she was beautiful, I never wanted more from her than for her to just be there for me, because she was pretty and kind and I'd fallen for her, because I wanted to fall for her. She was nothing exciting, nothing I would long for. But she was safe.

Now _he_ was more like the leaves that fell in autumn. They didn't fall often, so you would anticipate them with a kind of excitement that you couldn't show because, really, what would people think of you for being excited about leaves? You waited because they were absolutely stunning, golden brown and oh-so fragile, and you would pick one up and crumple it because that was what you really wanted to do.

When _he _kissed me, I burned. Inside and out, I burned for him. The ice on my lips melted and I would cling to him because I was so scared of losing this heat. He would burn me and I would freeze him and we'd journey together into the unknown, fire and ice, completing each other and hurting each other and everything inbetween. Since before this all began we'd done this, moving against each other, completely unchoreographed and messy and so damned incredible that I always wanted more. I couldn't understand it, wouldn't let myself fall for him because, Hyne, I'd fallen too far already. I never ever safe in his arms but I would never let him _just_ kiss me because I always wanted more. I always wanted all of him because I loved the pain. I loved how his glare penetrated deep into my very core and how we'd never talk about it because neither of us could understand it, but we knew it felt good. After the war, it was better because I knew what it meant to feel and he knew what it meant to love, and in my office and on the balcony and in the dorms I'd let him take me completely, and we'd both come treacherously close to admitting what we felt but we never would, and I would go back to her and he would go back to them and I'd have to wait for autumn all over again.


	2. Rinoa

**Chapter Two – Rinoa**

I always knew they liked each other.

It was the looks on their faces that gave them away when I mentioned the other's name – one's hardened eyes would soften for that precious fraction of a second, one's smirk would ease into a smile and back within the blink of an eye. First, I was naïve. I pretended those flickers were for me, and I could change them so they'd fall for _me_, forget who those emotions were really for. It worked for one of them at least, but it was a hollow victory.

He would kiss me, but when my hands wandered below that smooth, defined collarbone, he would push me away and insist that he had work to do and smile to break my heart and lock the door to his office behind him. I knew who was in there, I knew what they were doing, and sometimes I'd press my ear against the door and listen just to torture myself, and I would cry because what else could I do? And when he returned his hair would be a little more ruffled and a button here or there would be missing but I would put my lipstick on and pretend not to notice, and I'd smile.

They couldn't help it, I guess. By the time I'd come into the picture, they were all they had, they were all they knew. In training together, they shared something I could never contribute to. In becoming rivals, they became more deeply involved in each other's lives than I could ever hope to be. To say I was jealous would be an understatement. I denied it, just as I denied that nothing changed in Squall when I became a Sorceress. I denied it, just as I denied that one time he whispered Seifer's name instead of mine. I denied it, just as I denied that he could never be in love with anyone but Seifer.

Still, though, I love them. I love Seifer because he gave me a summer that taught me what it meant to like someone to the point of thinking you love them, for giving me my first kiss and pretending that he liked me too. I love Squall because despite everything, he opened up to me and loved me back, even if it was a different kind of love to what I wanted. He'd changed for me, and I couldn't resent him for that. I was madly in love with him, and I'd always been a good pretender.


	3. Seifer

**Chapter Three – Seifer**

Squall was all mine, he always had been and he always would be. I would always take _him_, never the other way round. In those early morning training sessions, he would make the kind of noises no-one would have expected to hear from his lips, and even when there was blood pouring down his face he would drag me against the rocks and demand with his eyes something he'd never say in words. That part of him was something I was sure was mine alone.

But then she came along. She changed him and he started to like her, and damnit I got scared. I got scared because all along I'd been his teacher, and what if he thought I'd done it all wrong and realised he didn't want me anymore? I made sure we met again and again, knew he'd become a SeeD and knew what path to take so he'd never forget me. At some point he hated me but I'd gone through hell and back to keep us together and I made sure he appreciated it. I made sure he knew that everything I'd done was for him, that I'd do the whole thing again if it meant us being together again because it felt so fucking incredible when we were.

I made sure she knew it too. I'd throw her a little smirk in the corridor on the way to his office, and if I knew she was listening I'd make it all that little bit louder. I liked her too, once upon a time but god I liked him before. Fuck it, I loved him more than anything, but there wasn't a Shiva's chance in hell that I'd admit that to him. I knew that he loved me too but he wouldn't say it and I wouldn't make him because we were safer this way, warm in the cold with the blood-red belts and jackets in a tangled, messy heap on the ground.


End file.
